I wanted to follow up on the email about my backpack (and laptop) getting stolen a few weeks ago.
(Coach Hannah, here—catch up on the whole Saga of the Stolen Backpack if you missed that email.)
As I have been telling the story to those closest to me, I've realized there is a key part of it that didn’t make it into my email to you.
It might be the best part of the whole story.
When I was putting my backpack into the back of the car, I had a small feeling in the pit of my stomach.
A little whisper.
It said: don’t do this.
But I didn’t listen to that feeling.
Instead I negotiated with myself:
It’s 8:30 in the morning!
It’s broad daylight!
You’ve left your backpack in the trunk in this parking lot at this time of day BEFORE and it was fine!
I logic-ed my way out of the FEELING.
When we returned to the car and I saw the broken glass on the ground, THAT SAME FEELING RETURNED to the pit of my stomach, but it was magnified 10x.
The same-ness of the two feelings, the small feeling before the event and the huge feeling after, said: “you KNEW this was going to happen.”
In the heat of the moment of loss, I felt that knowing very clearly.
And I felt a second, very familiar impulse: “you knew this was going to happen and you didn’t prevent it - you idiot”
In the days later, as I’ve been telling this story, and swallowing the full reality of losing a brand-new laptop (gulp), and the reality that no, homeowners insurance won’t cover it, and yes, your credit card does have purchase protection, but only for 90 days and it’s now day 143 (double gulp)—
I found a re-frame.
I’m not an idiot, but I am stubborn, and therefore:
This lesson needed to be expensive so that I would LISTEN to that small feeling next time.
So I’m engaging in a new practice of listening to my gut feeling. And any time I catch myself negotiating, it means I need to take a hard stop, and listen in more closely.
Do you trust your gut?
Do you catch yourself negotiating with yourself?
How do you navigate these things?
I’m curious :)
Yours in reflection,